August 2009
txtsfrmlstnght:
(705): never. drinking. again. (1-705): lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I’m in 705.
Aaron? Is that you?
txtsfrmlstnght:
(540): so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it…
lolwut.
txtsfrmlstnght:
(215): yeah seriously, fuck school. I’m changing my master’s thesis question from “what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality” to “will my cat drink this beer”
txtsfrmlstnght:
(281): Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him (1-281): college has opened so many doors for you
Kahlie. I can see us becoming these girls.
And I’m not sure if I like it.
txtsfrmlstnght:
(707): Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I’m pissing in your shampoo.
HA. :D
or, an ugly livingroom.
txtsfrmlstnght:
(416): I wanna be on tlc (905): Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
lol. :D
Vehicle, or appliance?
Bernard: That's a neat looking car. A...KIA Soul. Huh.
Chuck: Looks like a toaster.
Bernard: Yes. It does.
Chuck: I'm sorry, my metaphores make no sense.
Bernard: Oh, no, they do. That right there, that's a fucking toaster.
txtsfrmlstnght:
(727): she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I will never think of that ride the same way now.
txtsfrmlstnght:
(301): There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
OMGLOL.
txtsfrmlstnght:
(540): My balls are so social today.
bahaha ha haha.
“La la la, mostly vodka caesars, la la la.”
– Me - text - 7:08:52pm - 08/15/2009 (via ohwell-ohwell)
recieved. :D
“Welcome to the 2am Wtf: When handling dangerous foreign vegetables, it is...”
– Text - Sent - 2:15 AM (via nathannathannathan)
The 2am wtf needs a facebook page.
WHAM!
The Milky Way
Bernard:
"You throw it back like no one I've ever seen."
Chuck:
"...Because it's chunky and cold and far too milky."
Bernard:
"HEAVENLY hash!"
Chuck:
"Loaded with stuff!!"
Bernard:
"The nuts are too big and too many!"
Chuck:
"I need to swallow so I can get it out!"
Bernard:
"It's dripping down the outside of the glass. Sort of inevitable, though."
Chuck:
"Um...I have nuts stuck in my teeth."
“The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the...”
– Douglas Adams, “The Complete Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”
Self-Portrait in Red, Part One
Gary O’Neill was a particularly plain man. There were no women in his life, he owned no pets. His only friend was a colleague at the bank he worked in. He disliked his job, and most of the people he worked with; especially the overly chipper tellers. He drove a silver Honda Accord, like every other human being in North America. He lived in a top floor condo in a three story building with...
