txtsfrmlstnght: (705): never. drinking. again. (1-705): lets not get ahead of ourselves. I’m in 705. Aaron? Is that you?
txtsfrmlstnght: (540): so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it… lolwut.
txtsfrmlstnght: (215): yeah seriously, fuck school. I’m changing my master’s thesis question from “what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality” to “will my cat drink this beer”
txtsfrmlstnght: (281): Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him (1-281): college has opened so many doors for you Kahlie. I can see us becoming these girls. And I’m not sure if I like it.
txtsfrmlstnght: (707): Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I’m pissing in your shampoo. HA. :D
or, an ugly livingroom.
txtsfrmlstnght: (416): I wanna be on tlc (905): Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless. lol. :D
Vehicle, or appliance?
Bernard: That's a neat looking car. A...KIA Soul. Huh.
Chuck: Looks like a toaster.
Bernard: Yes. It does.
Chuck: I'm sorry, my metaphores make no sense.
Bernard: Oh, no, they do. That right there, that's a fucking toaster.
txtsfrmlstnght: (727): she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no? I will never think of that ride the same way now.
txtsfrmlstnght: (301): There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself OMGLOL.
txtsfrmlstnght: (540): My balls are so social today. bahaha ha haha.
La la la, mostly vodka caesars, la la la.– Me - text - 7:08:52pm - 08/15/2009 (via ohwell-ohwell) recieved. :D
Welcome to the 2am Wtf: When handling dangerous foreign vegetables, it is...– Text - Sent - 2:15 AM (via nathannathannathan) The 2am wtf needs a facebook page.
The Milky Way
"You throw it back like no one I've ever seen."
"...Because it's chunky and cold and far too milky."
"Loaded with stuff!!"
"The nuts are too big and too many!"
"I need to swallow so I can get it out!"
"It's dripping down the outside of the glass. Sort of inevitable, though."
"Um...I have nuts stuck in my teeth."
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the...– Douglas Adams, “The Complete Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”
Self-Portrait in Red, Part One
Gary O’Neill was a particularly plain man. There were no women in his life, he owned no pets. His only friend was a colleague at the bank he worked in. He disliked his job, and most of the people he worked with; especially the overly chipper tellers. He drove a silver Honda Accord, like every other human being in North America. He lived in a top floor condo in a three story building with...